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friday, october 31, 2003
i am such a loser! it is halloween, everyone and their ferret is out at a party or having fun and i am stuck and school filming! i'm going to be here all night and it is dead silent and scary.
well, maybe not all night if i get off the computer.
suddenly i was @ 06:18 pm
sunday, october 26, 2003
no x-men evolution... do not go away! you leave a vacant saturday morning cartoon vacancy in my heart!
suddenly i was @ 01:05 pm
saturday, october 25, 2003
ok, i could write about my FABULOUS day and i will! but right now i have to share the saddest moment in my life.i'm watching scare tactics and i can't turn away.
more on "most awesome friday" later.
suddenly i was @ 01:45 am
wednesday, october 22, 2003
oh. my. god.i think i just had an epiphany idea for a new animation.
sweet mother. could i do one in a semester's time?
suddenly i was @ 06:27 pm
a few items:
a. most importantly: does anyone know this cartoon on adult swim? it has a black cat and a kid who grows things out of his head? i'm so behind on anime these days. what is it? it is that one i can't pronounce? flcl- or something? whatever it is, i like its animation. its deep voice overs are interesting too. just now he said something about smelling the salt air and how it was so much clearer to him because perhaps, his head was so empty. i have to research this. anime has come so far from sailor moon in the 90's.
sailor moon says!
oh, it's a gainax production. hmm. hey it is that one i can't pronouce!
b. so, in my alfred hitchcock class today the teacher announces we will have to watch psycho on our own, which very much annoys me as it was the only reason i signed up for the class. call me shallow, to sign up for a hitchcock class, not for the discussion, not for the research, not to see hitch's early films, no, but so i could watch psycho on a big screen. i love that movie! i mean, if i wanted to watch psycho on my own on my two inch screen with one speaker, i would have rented it ages ago.
also, she keeps having these all important readings we have to read. she makes copies of them, but only two, which we have to get to on our own time and copy ourselves. hello? forgive me for sounding lazy and ungrateful (as well as shallow in this item b), but how much money am i paying for this class? why am i paying more for xerox copies?
c. i think i have this embarrassing mini crush on this person in my scriptwriting class. it is really mortifying and unjustified as i can't even remember the guy's name more than half the time. i think he has a really great voice. i also think this is the sole reason for this predicament of mine. he's reading one of my main characters! doi da doi. i didn't even chose him for the role either. he was nominated by the teacher i believe.
teacher: and you... do kip.
me in mind: glee!
but enough of this embarrassment, let us pretend i never wrote it.
i love my script class! it is tiny and everyone knows each other and everyone can talk! the t.a. is also most awesome, i see him at the library at times, so i feel as though we have bonded.
note: if anyone from my class read this, i would die a thousand and twenty deaths.
memory: have to read two dickens books for this class by next week. all coming back to me now...
d. FOUR comments last post! the only other time that happened was when i left that one post up for two months while i was at miramax. this calls for a party. let us respond to everyone.
nellie, have i ever even talked to you before? this a pretty layout? nein, mein freund, your site is lovely! it has been added to my favourites list and oh, is so going on my sto link list! thank you, thank you! i love such sites, they inspire me so.
guitariel, of course it's a gemini thing, geminis rock! no really, i think it was just 7.00 delirious bitterness last post. ho ho.
diana, i'm sorry to tell you, but yes, it does still happen. sometimes the fires are real- i've known three people who've started them. usually it's not so much a fire as it is toast which gets burnt and sets off the alarm.
1. my friend burnt eggs. it was 2.30 am and we all had to stand outside in 8 degree weather in our pajamas.
2. my idiot miscreant neighbors last year burnt their wok dinner one night and thought it smart to air out their room by letting the smoke into the hall.
3. my peer from my acting class, tossed a ciggie in a trash can. tsk. the event, however led to his quitting the nasty habit, so perhaps it was a good thing.
once though, my first year, some one pulled the alarm at 4am during finals and made a huge sign in the escape stairwell which said, "this is a performance piece."
art school, go fig.
hanna, believe what you must! but something tells me you're playing a bit of a scully to my mulder here, denying what is so obviously true! the script bites. i don't know why i thought it clever to have such a dated concept in the first place. i should send you bits if you like. it's... oh god.
the horror, the horror.
e. so, i get this random im tonight. it's actually hanna's fault. yes you! because the user's name was hannahbanana. as some sort of twisted reflex i hit "accept message" without noticing this "hannah" spelled her name with an h at the end, as beloved hanna, does not.
hannah: hi, i hope you don't mind i added you.
me: who art thou?
hanna: its me hannah. <-- purposeful typo -ed.
me: forgive my dense-ness, but hannah who?
hannah: just ordinary hannah.
hannah: who r u and how old r u?
needless to say, it was either a 12 year old girl (as claimed and was pulling off well with lines like "i was just wondering if u r like way old") or a pervert, who got my im name from bb.n.
am so removing that from my profile now.
anyhow, i had to block the person. it saddened me, but lord, what an invasion of privacy and i had no idea who it was!
yawn! i have to get going. as i said, much work to do, just forgetting i have it right now. got to get to bed.
p.s. who is on jay leno? she broke her studded bra so leno and martin short tried to help her fix it and both are now currently holding their jackets up to cover her while she fixes her unmentionables.
suddenly i was @ 02:49 am
saturday, october 18, 2003
i can't stand fire alarms. especially when they go off at seven am on a weekend.two years later i roll out of bed and descend from my fifteenth floor to the streets below evacuation style. i even briefly contemplated not going, as i am quiet horrifying in the raw yellow lollipop pajamas and all, but how can one turn up the opportunity of standing on the state street of one of the biggest cities in the country with a hundred or so of your peers so people can walk by oggle your pajamas and stare at you with all your school buddies, who all, literally, went to bed just two hours ago. also, yesterday there was a huge fire in a skyscraper just one block away. in fact, i'm trying to figure out when it happened. i think i may have napped through it. i saw the dosens and dosens of emergency vehicles, but couldn't figure what they were for until on the news at 5am this morning (because i was up, yo) showed footage of a building burning. suddenly i realized, ack! i know that building! sure enough, this morning its whole side is black. anyhow, being it 6 people died in that fire i decided to not chance my luck and to just evacuate my building.
on the plus side, it was so my goal to get up early and now i am! i am going to get so much work done! hooray!
still.
more bed would have been nice.
message from the future: editing script. it sucks! it's so bad! gah, triple gah!
20 minutes later: really! this is the worst written dialogue i have ever read, was i on drugs when i wrote this? i was most certainly living in cliché soap opera world when i did.
10 minutes later: this is SO bad! i can't use any of this! i'm crawling back to bed.
suddenly i was @ 08:23 am
friday, october 17, 2003
i started writing here a while ago... but i can't remember what i was writing. so i begin again. another friday another EVIL acting class.1. i was mentioning my dialogue situation a entry or two ago? well, today i had to perform. my one partner, crystal, didn't come to class so i had only one scene. of course, my new partner, didn't memorize any of his lines. should i post my class journal for you? i think i shall, because i know i'll end up changing it before i hand it in as it is far too bitter.
"by no shape of the imagination can i pretend i felt that my performance today went over in the least bit well. it was awful, everything about it.
i was angry over the fact mark made not even the pretense to care about the stupid scene in the first place. he didn't even stay to work on it through lunch, which was why i thought we were going last in the first place and as was his suggestion. then, after lunch, he told me, "i hope you don't mind, but i am going to improv my way all the way through this." which normally wouldn't have been such a big deal but i was so thoroughly annoyed over the fact i spent any amount of time (read: all week) worrying over my lines when it came time to letting the naturalistic energy flow for improv it wasn't going to happen.
so when he went through his long monologue bit (which was pretty spot on content wise and done well even if he leapt into early and never broke for my lines) i was compleatly lost. i never freeze up and it TICKS me off that i did, ticks me off i couldn't bounce back with a line, but i was speechless. i was, really lost i had no idea what line to go to, then the rest of it just fell apart into one big huge fat hideous god awful mess from there on after. it wasn't even fun improv. i love improv, i can do it, but it usually works better when you have positive rapport with the person you are working with or you're both ready to go at it. i met with mark once, we read through things twice, that's not enough to know anything about anything. at least with crystal having run through things a bit with her and having us both know the lines pretty well if one faltered the other is able to pick up immediately because we were familiar with each others' rthyms.
oh, and i am so pleased i can work with mark again on this next project. he didn't even stop by to ask matt and i about what we're going to do, but since i now know he could care less about this class, i'm not going to worry about it. i'll just work with matt on things and if mark decides to make an effort he can astound me."
yeah.
2. the boy in the coma from last friday has woken up and is doing well. at first he couldn't remember everyone he knew, but his memories are coming back slowing and he is being moved from the icu.
3. i had a dream about my cat pearl, who i know is gone. i was in the basement of my old house and pearl was there, except she was broken up like a marionette puppet, with strange rings at her joints. she was jostling around unnaturally on the floor, her legs bending in all sorts of strange ways.
then, i don't know if anyone knows this story, but it was about a man who lost his face (eyes, nose, cheekbones and roof of mouth) to a flesh eating bacteria. he was built a prosthetic face, which literally "snaps" into place.
in my dream, my cat pearl had such a face. as she was jumbling around, her face fell off. i went and picked up her face. it was small and i could see inside her head where it was pink and smooth. i snapped her face back into place, but i could still see the outline of the prosthetic. the pearl talked to me, not so much in words, as her mouth didn't move, but in my head. she said she got hit by a red car and that is why she was "broken" but she was all right and not to worry.
then i woke up.
pearl!
my baby!
jesus.
4. a week or so ago i went to a visiting artist lecture. it was adrian piper speaking. it was a fabulous show. she is a famous performance artist. she showed a bunch of clips about dancing, then showed a slide of shiva and played music. i don't know what happened, but in the end the whole audience was up and dancing or clapping in their seats, some people even went onto the stage and danced.
i went on the stage and danced.
it was so much fun! afterward she answered questions but it was amazing. i wrote some notes on my hand and later typed them on the computer, i just found the notes and they read like a modern poem, i think.
"god embodies the indescribable energy and conscious. shiva's dance keeps up illusion, if it stops all ends. see past illusion to see absolute beauty and to be part of whole pulsating universe but to see without illusion is to see we are deeply imperfect.
funk to you"
5. i am a cow and out of shape. i am going to go pretend to have some semblance of physical fitness in my life. it's all ready 9 o' clock pm.
suddenly i was @ 09:16 pm
tuesday, october 14, 2003
someone, anyone? does anyone have a trilogy tuesday ticket to give me?
sigh. i'm going to bed.
suddenly i was @ 02:54 am
sunday, october 12, 2003
i need help. i really do.
a. my new obsession is looking up various versions of the magic flute and listening to the different singers playing papageno. olaf bär, the papageno on my version, remains my favourite.
in a moment of particular darkness, i found myself looking up pictures of him.
b. i think the fact that i siphoned water from my fishtank today is really awesome. i was truly the coolest moment in my life. the water just came out! on its own! no spilling, no soaking my "return of the king" novel. it was a magnificent moment, even if i couldn't get it to vaccuum the gravel like it was supposed to do. the guppies were excited by it as well.
yesterday i was at the aquarium store and they had a new shipment of fancy guppies which again convinces me papageno is the saddest little male in the existence of the world. also, papagena has a major attitude problem and has become a great bully fish. i'm concerned she made be nipping his fins.
yesterday was the worst day.
i had acting class which i love. we spent the first half of class trying to take a "simultaneous step" with a large group, which not only proved fruitless, but was a bit boring. then we danced for a long bit and performed our dialouges. my friend crystal and i went through our "agnes of god" scene, which went over well though it was uninspired. big surprise, i don't really care for martha livingstone. raskolnikov i could get interested in... but the good doctor? pah.
anyhow. then we went to lunch, i went out to the park with crystal, a girl named shanna and another girl, claire. claire ended up leaving to rehearse, but the rest of us stayed together. shanna and crystal were talking about their friend.
back story: last friday a student was violently assaulted in front of his apartment. two other young males wearing headphones, as he was, were also attacked within two hours of his assault. the episodes were muggings. the first victim heard someone behind him and turned and was hit in the face, he went to the icu, but is all right. the second kid, was hit on the head and robbed, but was also fine. the third victim, shanna and crystal's friend, was much more violently attacked, though it is not clear why. he was hit over the head with a metal pipe, which split his skull, then beaten. he was then left to bleed to death on the street. when he was discovered he said, 'the guy was white.'
the boy was admitted to the hospital and put into an induced coma.
they were talking about how he had started to breathe on his own on thursday, so they were going to 'wake him up' late afternoon on friday. crystal wanted to go. going back to acting class she asked our teacher if she could go, leave class 45 minutes early, to the hospital.
he said no.
can you believe it? he told her, "everyone has been here for you and your projects." which is a joke, because not everyone has- one girl just got back from her two week vacation in ny and another guy, who i don't care for at all, has maybe come to two classes? he signed up after add drop, so two weeks after class started, came to that class, came to the next one (over an hour late) and didn't show up for three weeks and came to last class (late, again). even this other kid, who comes to every class and everything, was tired and had been sleeping through the entire day!
crystal was furious.
the rest of class was pretty, blah. crystal went to find her other friend to tell her she wasn't able to go to the hospital, only to discover the bad news, they couldn't wake the boy because complications were found with his heart and it was possible he might suffer a heart attack. the news was so shocking, apparently his mother's blood pressure sky rocketed and she needed to be hospitalized as well.
after class, crystal was pretty distraught. shanna and i walked with her and i felt so terrible. shanna continued to talk about the boy, she had been able to visit him in the hospital before (crystal couldn't because she had bronchitis and couldn't enter the icu). she told the sad story of his parents. the father told her and some other friends of his how he had never cried so much in his entire life as he had these past few days. then when the boy's mother went to leave, she kissed her son. the boy's eye was so swollen it was open a bit and watering. it wasn't tears in the real sense, but it's what it looked like and the mother began to cry as well, tears running down her face.
crystal cried on the way home. once we got home, i left for the store. i bought her a bunch of sorbet, but she wasn't in when i went to drop it off.
anyhow. my heart broke. i don't know this boy at all, but it was a hard day, watching his friends suffer and listening to the stories. it's hard because it is compleatly out of my realm of experience. there was nothing i could say which would comfort. i couldn't even say i know what crystal was feeling, because i have never had anyone in such a position.
and hope i never do.
anyhow, by the end of the day i was a bit frazzled. oh, and to top it off, because what's-his-face never attends class and wasn't there to be assigned a scene partner, someone had to double up their work load and memorize another scene. guess who that lucky person is?
me.
joy.
the kid at the end of class: call me when you're ready to work hun.
me: why don't you call me, since this is your scene. i've all ready done my class work.
whew. a long day. i know it was because i couldn't sleep. i stayed up until 5 and was rummy.
it was about this point i started looking up my olaf pictures.
this morning i woke up to my horror to discover i purchased my favourite version of the magic flute from amazon. some people wake up to coyote ugly moments, i wake up and find i've purchased opera.
suddenly i was @ 02:27 am
thursday, october 9, 2003
a new look for the place, wooooot. felt it was time since the last one was up for... what? 8 months or something? papageno this round. oh my god, do i love papageno! papagena graces the comment window. also, have added the "so last season" window, where you can see the old layouts of this place- something i've been wanting to do since the beginning of the last layout!
anyhow, back to work!
suddenly i was @ 04:12 pm
wednesday, october 8, 2003
what?! so i bought this "easy mac" macaroni and cheese and it's different from before! i mean, i noticed the writing on the package was orange instead of blue- but the noddles are bigger! and this greatly disturbs me. do you know i had to put it back into the microwave for a second round because the noodles weren't finished after the first blast? i mean... gah!!the real reason of this post: it is keeping me from writing hitchcock midterm.
oh my god! the lion king special edition is out... i have to rent it. that film and i have such embarrassing memories together. you know of what i speak katy and alice! sigh... i loved 1994.
i had a dream about my cat pearl. i should write it up here see what everyone thinks about it.
but i should also write my hitchcock paper. hmm.
suddenly i was @ 01:25 pm
today was irksome in ways, odd in others. let us make a list.
a. yesterday i placed a work order to get my air conditioner fixed since it makes this hideous draining noise when you turn it off. of course! on my morning off, the guy comes at the stroke of 9 am and wants to dink around and fix things- and i was still in bed! i told him to come back because i was in the middle of getting dressed. i told him come back in a few minutes- did he? no. i waited for hours then went to class all day. when i got back at 9.45pm, there was a cryptic note on the door, the first line reads: i bleed air out of the pipes.
me: oooook... i'm hoping that's from the work guy
b. i had a weird spell in my script writing class this evening. i was really light headed and dizzy. it was during the first read of the night and i seriously thought i was going to fall over or float away. by the second script my eyesight was blurring, of course, by then i had a part to read. a big one too...
i kept stumbled at first because i couldn't focus.
line: musician of the year
me: musician of in ear...
nice. i was able to hold my ground after and only really screwed up at first- but still. it took all class for it to go away.
c. my papageno fish is suffering and this totally tees me off. i have no idea what his issue could be, he has a blackness on his fins? i even called this fish place they weren't sure about it either, the man thought it could be finrot- which was my best guess- but if it is, i believe it was brought on by stress by papagena. she's a bully fish! she won't let him swim, won't let him eat... what do i do? i'm so negative and resigned i am going to buy a net just in case i have to pull out a lifeless papageno.
SO ANGRY! i love my little guy.
d. where's my cat? i'm in denial about what is most likely true.
e. it's almost 4 am!? what?!
f. arnold schwarzenegger won the ca election? what?!
it's like i can hear the political world audibly crumble to dust.
wait. that happened when bush cheated his way into the presidency, my bad.
to do:
script
hitchcock final
call j.
storyboard
agnes of god
scan phineas
i love never proofing.
suddenly i was @ 02:44 am
friday, october 3, 2003
the absolute best godzilla movie is on television right now: godzilla versus mothra. it is my favourite one. this is great! it's dubbed too, dubbed by people with bad "asian" accents, as if this couldn't get any worse! the offensive dub only adds charm to the films overall supreme suckiness. YES!!! the tiny monster island twin girls! actually i recant my dub statement only some of the voice actors have the accents.ok, rip self away from bad japanese film.
ag, so, yesterday i did squats and today i can hardly move, worse, i wore my tall army boots for my raskolnikov costume and now my heels are raw and blistered. oh! yes, today i performed my raskolnikov bit and it went over very well i thought. for about five minutes i was that nasty russian.
i'm bored, so let us share my monologue so i can remember it always, since now i have to move on to agnes of god.
raskolnikov monologue
i wanted to murder without causitry. to murder for my own sake, for myself, myself alone. i don't want to lie about even to myself, it wasn't to help my mother i did it, that's nonsense! i didn't do the murder to gain wealth, or power or to become a benefactor mankind- nonsense! i simply did it. i did it for myself. myself alone and wether i became a benefactor to others or lived my life as a spider, catching men in my web, sucking the life out of men, i couldn't have cared at that moment.
it was not for the money i did it. i was not so much the money i wanted, by something else... i wanted something else... something else led me on. i wanted to find out then and quickly i am a louse like everyone else, or a man. if can step over barriers or not, if i dare stoop to pick up or not, if i am a trembling creature or if i have the right.
i can prove one thing only, the devil led me on then and he has shown me since that i had not the right to take up that path for i am just such a louse as all the rest. but listen, i went to the old woman's only to try- and you can be sure of that.
but did i murder the old woman? is that how all men commit murders? do all men go to commit murders as i went then? i will tell someday how i went. did i murder the old woman? i murdered myself, not her!
ah, i want to go on more, but i really have to clean now. i've been putting it off for about 5 hours now. oh! lookit. i made a pretty.
yes! the twins are singing? i wonder if this film has a soundtrack i can purchase!? slobber, slobber.
suddenly i was @ 11:53 pm
thursday, october 2, 2003
god, acting hurts. i have been running through my raskolnikov monologue over and over and it has become a bit of a defensive piece, but my whole body hurts.but the lowdown:
it went well! i think at least. everyone really liked the one character- which was nice, you always want people to like one of your main characters. my teacher said he was such a strong character he was just dragging everything else behind him. he's very engaging!
score!
i just have to decide where exactly my piece is happening. i want it to be dickensian, but maybe not necessarily in industrial revolution london. i was considering the east coast of the states and modernizing it- the consensus was up to the 1940's, i really like the idea, but the 1940's introduces a host of other problems ie uh, the second world war. i don't want to dig a huge research hole for myself! i was wanting and am still considering placing the story in a bit of a netherverse, where it is no time and no place specifically. dickens in essense, but not sooty old london, modern, but not too much so.
i'm thinking i want to post my script on st.o in a section called, "my script assignment" wherein people can critique me online! but that would probably not happen.
ok, i'm dying. i'm really full too, though i want cookies.
mm.
cookies.
but i can't. i have to watch a movie or two tonight because they're due back tomorrow.
pearl update: no word, no pearl. thank you unicornbeauty for your comment!
suddenly i was @ 08:51 pm
wednesday, october 1, 2003
oh, god, god, god! where is my cat, where is my pearl? oh god, where is my cat? please let her be all right. please, where is my cat?
suddenly i was @ 03:32 pm