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monday, may 31, 2004
do you ever take pause and look at all your efforts and realize to yourself, wow this is such unbridled crap, such half arsed awful no skill work, that you become embarrassed/ashamed/depressed you spent any amount of time on it at all? because this is my mind set all the time now.
i am so glad i have realized this stuff now, you know, when i still have time left to fix things.
oh wait...
that's right.
i don't have any time anymore.
and i'm at home and PATHETIC.
i have nothing. all i have is spunk. and dude, you know what lou grant had to say about spunk.
wait. that's right. now even my spunk is crushed.
i can't stand this.
suddenly i was @ 03:36 pm
sunday, may 30, 2004
suddenly i was @ 03:59 pm
wednesday, may 26, 2004
well i am back at home now and feel wretched. never before has my worthlessness quotient been so high. what am i doing? what is there to do? i do not want to be at home forever. i have so many things to do and to see, it is embarrassing to be sitting around.gehry: i'm speechless.
gehry leaves podium.
actually, to be correct he left the entire stage. high class man. really.
p.s. the millennium thing you designed for the park, gehr-boy? ooglay.
whatever.
i thought certainly for weeks i would be emotional during the ceremony, but when actually came the time, i felt nothing. it was as though my denial had set itself in spades in my heart. i felt nothing. everything was a blur. i was a bit nervous going up on the giant opera stage, but once under the lights i was fine and according to the audience i threw and flipped my diploma after receiving it. my figure drawing teacher, also my first teacher at the school, happened to be at the end of the stage, which i thought very fitting. i gave him a hug and leapt down from the stage, making a big noise with my shoes.
the only snag in the whole event was at the very end; the president of the school came to the podium and instead of compleating the commencement with the "by the power invested in me" speech, he came up and said, "well, i'm supposed to say a long little speech here, but instead i'm just going to say, 'congratulations.'"
despite several audience members crying out, "do it!" he then left and it was over. i was highly annoyed as
a: the master students got it. the bachelors are quadruple their number, couldn't we be paid the same respect?
b: having sat there three hours, another fifteen seconds to wrap it all up wouldn't have killed anyone.
c: i worked hard for four years to hear those words, i felt gipped.
it was strange he was so on the ball about everything else too.
after the ceremony i found my first two friends i made at school, we hugged, but they darted off quickly finding family. the misanthrope passed by and said congratulations. i replied with, "you too. i saw you up there, very posh."
he won the fellowship award for the masters division.
i found my family and we went to the reception. it was at the mfa show gallery. i schmoozed, but i couldn't find anyone i knew. my animation teacher found me and he got to meet my parents which was out of this world, twilight zone-ish in weirdness. we, meaning my family and i, then went to dinner, which i invited jenjen to join.
and that was it, really. all of it over.
the next day i spent all day packing up the rest of my life. after all my boxes had been stowed in a car and i had bid farewell to the place i have called home for the past 4 years, i cleaned up and went to my first engagement as a free range artist person: my screening.
this screening was at a small art house venue, but it was very fun and i am so glad it played the part of my last activity in chicago. my film played and was met with a surprisingly loud applause, which was very strange, as i didn't know too many people in the audience. it was so great. people came up later and asked all sorts of questions and someone even took a picture while it was playing!
and this was the crap version of it too.
i got to say my last goodbyes to the animation community. it will never be the same and the greatest loss of my leaving is losing the support and friendship they offered up to me.
which reminds me of two things, i must email so of them right now and that i must call nick in new york to inform him, INDEED i have found my missing negative and my film might now continue on its quest to become a print of itself.
i can't wait to spend the money, let me tell you.
i'm going to see to these items, stay tuned though for my adventures in driving and "david copperfield" another pretend review brought to you by moi.
suddenly i was @ 05:55 pm
sunday, may 23, 2004
suddenly i was @ 04:30 pm
suddenly i was @ 01:38 am
saturday, may 22, 2004
today i graduate.
suddenly i was @ 01:08 am
thursday, may 20, 2004
"I had a final meeting with Odie today and I told him, in all honesty, that your progress as a writer was the highlight of the Screenwriting class this Spring. Please keep at it. You have the chops to make a go of it."that's a nice thing to find in your email box from your screenwriting teacher, eh?
here i am, 5 am, eating some peanut butter with a fork, shoving the whole of my life into one, single 2 by 2 by 3 box watching old children shows on tv.
"how does 'the news' work?" asks the television.
i like the panel of kids discussing this.
"when the war started in the gulf this year..."
this is an OLD childrens' show. oh wait, it's nick news! i loved this show once. linda elerbee, har har.
sigh, my box. my whole life right there. one box. hmm. let me tell you, what a heavy load it is.
don't read books or draw children, for when you move, your boxes will weigh tons.
literally.
god himself couldn't move my box here.
the past few days have been well and good. yesterday, by which i mean monday because i haven't been to bed yet and therefore it is still tuesday in my world, i ran about on several nutty adventures before ending up at my friends' apartment printing out last minute work, which gave way to one story which i will never tire of laughing at any time soon. i have two such stories right now. whenever i feel stressed i think of them and grow happy.
i want you to read them so you too may always have happy thoughts.
my one friend, tammy, led me up the stairway to her apartment. she laughed and mentioned, if we were lucky, we
(INSERT SEVERAL DAYS HERE)
might catch her roommate, my other friend, rachel, dancing naked to the radio, as we were so late in making it to the apartment, she had to believe tammy was never coming home and thus was having a free for all.
as we opened the front door, however, these dreams were immediately dashed.
"damn it, she's in the shower!" said tammy, balling her hand into a fist of drama.
then it occured to us, this might be just as good. leaving the front door ajar, we crept off to the back room of the apartment, closed ourselves inside and dimmed the lights.
rachel's shower continued and tammy and i snickered to ourselves in the darkness. soon the shower stopped and rachel was heard moving about the apartment. suddenly there was a plaintive cry from rachel, "tammy?"
tammy and i stifled giggles.
"tammy?"
tammy and i pinch ourselves trying to oppress the mounting peals of amusement.
outside our hiding place, soft foot falls were heard. rachel was quietly approaching our door.
suddenly the door burst open; tammy and i cried out and there was rachel, dripping wet, dressed in a towel, swinging a broom at us screaming at top volume.
i will never not find this visual humorous.
"oh my god!" rachel panted, "oh my god, not funny. not funny!"
tammy and i: yes it is!
in truth, it was evil. imagine: you're in your apartment alone taking a shower. you leave the bathroom and find the once-locked front door just barely open.
i would have been terrified as well. we gave rachel a hard time for not dressing before launching her bristled attack.
tammy: couldn't you put a shirt on first?
rachel: no!
me: so if you had to run you'd just tear off compleatly naked down the street?
rachel: YES!
tammy: and then someone would call the police on you for streaking!
tammy and i laughed entirely too hard.
now my second happy story.
two points to keep in mind: this story comes from the grad animation night and relates to how the misanthrope was doing magic tricks with the halli galli cards.
at the end of the evening the last group of us left the apartment and stood out front where some sort of club place is. there was a line of ritzy people standing about which brought forth homeless people asking for money. while we were standing saying goodbye, a homeless man came up to my old friend.
homeless man: do you have any money? i'll sell you this magazine.
the homeless man thrust an old mag forward.
friend: no, no, i've been drinking, i can't, i'm sorry.
the homeless man then moved over to the misanthrope.
homeless man: help the homeless. buy this magazine. could you spare any money?
misanthrope: what's this?
remind yourself, the misanthrope is pretty far gone at this point.
friend: no, no, he's been here longer than me, leave him alone.
homeless man: (loud offensive noise)
the homeless man kept harrassing the misanthrope-
homeless man: here, buy my magazine. see?
misanthrope: wow, i wish i could afford something like this.
- until my friend found some change to make him leave. just as the homeless man was leaving, the misanthrope pulled out a box from his pocket and said, "would you like a cigar instead?"
everyone was surprised by the cigars.
friend: you have cigars in your pocket?
i thought it was strange too, since he doesn't smoke, but then he always has weird items on his person.
later i told this story to a group of friends on the train and i asked about the cigars.
me: what are they for?
and my friend told me.
other friend: magic!
he uses them in magic tricks. it cracks me up. so he just carries this box of cigars in his pocket for tricks. i think such is really sweet and funny. i love it! it makes me smile.
god, my week has all but flown by.
tuesday i went to the animation barbeque. i got to ride the metra train, which i have never done before here. it was adventurous. i love big trains.
the barbeque was nice. i still don't think it has hit me when i say goodbye to my peers, it is more permanate this time. i find myself still thinking, "oh, i have to tell so and so this on monday" and things.
yesterday, i battled the post office (they're open until 6, but close their doors at 5.30, i got there at 5.35 and though they were still serving people, they wouldn't let me and my THREE boxes i had schelpped over inside) and spent the night at tammy and rachel's and watching "gone with the wind."
did you know vivien leigh had a 16 inch waist line?
it will probably prove to be my last fun time with them. tammy and rachel were the first friends i made here. tammy was my roommate and rachel i met in my first class, when she collapsed and split her head open and had to be rushed to the hospital. she didn't know anyone at the time because it was the first or second week of school, so our teacher asked if anyone would volunteer going in the ambulance with her, i did.
they've driven me batty before, but i love them.
i still can't believe i will be away from them and they won't be right here with me any more.
we also saw shrek 2. i loved it. i will happily marry puss.
which sounds really wrong.
the last time i felt so good about an animated sequel was with "toy story." i remember being very wary of it and discovered, it was roughly the same plot idea, but bigger and better. such is how i feel about shrek 2; though admitly, the original shrek touched me more.
it was just all out inspired fun. the most brilliant moment was when a crowd of people ran from one "farbucks" across the street to another "farbucks."
oh, and shrek is babe.
today, i battled the post office (i carried the same three boxes over at noon, two got off, but then the man shook my one "kitchen" box. it made noise and he rejected it saying i couldn't mail something so noisy. me: it's my forks and spoons! whatever, now i am driving with it, i don't care), have cleaned and met up with my friend josh (tammy's boyfriend). he gave me a graduation gift! it was so nice. a little chibi maru sanrio toy, tammy and i had been playing with only the day before.
tomorrow my parents come into town for my graduation ceremony on saturday. i'll have to tell you guys all about it.
sigh.
tonight, i made my last rental, "david copperfield." it will not be the last thing i watch in my place here though, that very special occassion has been reserved for "great expectations."
i told you i could make it last all semester. my friend jenjen is also coming over for a final chit the chat.
so i'm off my loves.
i'm so off. hmm.
suddenly i was @ 08:32 pm
monday, may 17, 2004
ok... now that i have totally frightened everyone with my last post.
sigh, i try to be smart and clever, then i post something like that, it's like i can audibly hear the world gasp and shake their heads.
worse, despite my debating and hamming over it, i still think it is funny! how wrong is that?
anyhow.
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.
i think i'm updating my computer.
scream!
i'm going macintosh, but this is where you guys come in, what should i get? g5? if so, what should i get on it?
only you can help me choose.
suddenly i was @ 01:37 pm
sunday, may 16, 2004
"i went over to his house twice and he made me rice."the following blog entry has been rated pg-13... at least. you youngins reading, don't mind me!
today was interesting. after i sobbed through all of last night, which i really did, went to bed finally at 6 am or something, i got up today, putzed about still in a daze, before i gussied myself up and headed off the the final grown up club animation party.
it was really fun and i was there quite a while, 7 pm until 2 am.
by the end of the evening i felt i was really holding my own when i discovered myself between the misanthrope (the said m.c.) and an old estranged friend making phallic (to not be course) jokes, which first came about when we were all talking about another animation student's piece which included a male figure with a some four foot long "endowment" shall we say.
misanthrope: wouldn't it be funny if he just thought it was normal?
me: you mean you don't use yours as a golf club?
friend: as a pogo stick?
me: i thought everyone used it as an ironing board. i do.
this display of mine gives me hope. i will survive in a male dominated world.
for those who don't know me, i am the purest little prude around but am also the biggest pervert. my forte is dirty thinking. it is a defense mechanism, i'm sure. i do nothing, but want no one to pull a fast one on me so i have to stay on top (har!) of the situation and make sure i know what everyone is talking about, read enough into it and make a joke about it faster than anyone can notice.
more phallic excerpts.
misanthrope: well if i knew any koreans.
friend: i know yogi.
friend gestures around.
other friend: whoa, did you just point to yourself?
friend: what?
other friend: you've named it yogi?
misanthrope: well it's not an average bear.
me: no, it's korean.
friend: aw-
me: it's ok. as long as it's not boo boo, we're good.
because we only have top of the class conversations. i have actually been on one all week, verbally that is. i don't know if it is because i am nervous about everything or what, but i can't seem to stop my mouth from making comments every 10 seconds. it started in figure drawing.
my teacher was talking about a drawing of a monk someone had brought in for crit.
teacher: oh good, it isn't anyone you know, i was just going to say!
me: uh, that's my father.
some girl spit her water out everywhere after that one.
teacher to class: you really need a third eye-
me: oh i have one.
the class turns to face me.
me: it's under my shirt.
the third eye actually made an appearance at the grad party. we were talking about clothing.
misanthrope: and j. crew hates me.
me: then there's me with my third eye ball. i can't tell you how difficult it is.
friend: under your shirt?
me: oh my god, you too?
friend: yes! does yours shoot lasers?
me: and how.
misanthrope: can i ask you guys, isn't it awkward wearing bathing suits?
me: oh yeah, that's why i get one that comes clear up to here.
i hold my hand to my chin.
misanthrope: i wear a shirt.
me: yeah i like to say it's because of my fair skin...
misanthrope: good one.
me: but in reality, yeah. the third eye.
during my animation class even.
teacher to other student: i almost like the idea of using subtle dialogue.
student: or your narration!
teacher: that's right, your narration, it was so great in your last film, i think it could work for this one as well.
me: or you could just slap "born in the usa" over everything.
this caused many people to turn around and laugh and say things like, "you are the wittiest thing today!" "every five seconds, little zingers coming from the back here."
my "zinger" activity prevailed onward through the animation screening. there was one moment when someone's tape wasn't cued, so when it started playing on the big screen her credits came up.
teacher: shall i rewind this?
student: yeah.
the audience is silent.
me loudly: but now i know how it ends...
i won't even get started on what i did with adding my own dialogue to everything. but yes, if sarcasm is the recourse of a weak mind, my mind hasn't been weaker than it has been all this past week.
the grad party was fun and i'm glad i went to it. i have to keep moving, keep distracting myself so i don't just lie on the floor and cry.
there was a lot of food there, a lot of animation... it was good.
we played this game, halli galli (have a halli galli christmas...), someone google it, see if a site exists. it was a deck of cards with fruit. everyone one at a time had to lie down a card, when 5 of the same fruit showed up, then some one had to hit a bell in the middle of the game, to make it interesting though, you had to play only with your left hand and when you weren't slapping the bell, you had to hold your earlobe.
i was terrible at it (anything above 2 bananas and i was lost) as was this other girl, so we stood around and played hecklers.
me: his arm is longer than anyone else's, he's clearly cheating.
girl: look at him all lurched over.
me: but he has hairy arms, maybe the hair is a handicap? - he can't move through the air fast enough because of it or something?
friend: since when did i become the bad one?
the misanthrope took bets in the kitchen.
in.
tense.
what else? we critiqued work, always fun. talked about the wachowski brothers.
misanthrope: but one's a transvestite, right?
friend: he's a woman!
misanthrope: so they're not the wachowski brothers any more... just the wachowskis.
me: yeah it's awkward, that's what happened with me and my brother.
good times. you guys do realize i'm just recording all of this dialogue to put into my personal vat of erm... dialogue. a good exercise for everyone to do. don't worry i will spare you the conversation which ensued after someone tongue slipped and said, "latex" instead of "lactose."
misanthrope in the distance: well i'm intolerant to both, that's all i know.
by the end of everything, the ghost in the shell sequel was playing, i was still between my old friend and the misanthrope, both of whom were quite drunk (i was very sober of course, thank you), the latter more so doing card tricks. the idle chatter had degraded into the following.
misanthrope: so it's homosexual b-st-ality?
friend: well, yeah.
misanthrope: does it matter?
friend: what?
misanthrope: i mean at that point, if i'm doing a dog, should i care if it's male or female?
friend: shouldn't you?
me: hey his doggy door swings both ways.
misanthrope: thank you.
friend: well i'll just leave you alone with all your male dogs.
misanthrope: so on top of my dog thing, i'm gay?
i left. my friend tried to give me some nice advice and hopefully i'll see the rest at graduation (well of the graduating students some of the people present graduated a few years ago).
that's the end though, for those of you who know the stories of everything with me... yes... here was the final chapter. did i ruin it? naw. am i sad about it? i don't think so. it was what it was and that's all it ever will be.
now try to say sushi chef 10 times fast and give me five strawberries.
suddenly i was @ 04:08 am
friday, may 14, 2004
when do the strange feelings of elation begin? for i feel nothing but abject woe. i hurt everywhere and i want to be sick. i'm so sad i hurt everywhere. i can actually feel everything in me breaking. i can feel it. it hurts.
i'm so sad.
suddenly i was @ 09:24 pm
thursday, may 13, 2004
i haven't been compleatly faithfully in my detail recording, but truth be told there isn't much to tell. the week before finals is the killer, afterward, it's all down hill sailing (mixed metaphor). all crits. you've done the work, now is the time people tell you what they think of everything.my tuesday meeting went well. very well. let me sum up the theme, briefly.
masters in screenwriting.
oh my. not only did i not think such existed, i have never really considered it as an option, but both teachers asked if i was and the one stressed, "i think you're a prime candidate for it. i don't say this to just anyone. i wouldn't say this to anyone else in the class; i don't even know if i would have said it to you last semester, but seeing both your scripts together now..."
and of course everyone who reads my writing here is thinking, "what is he talking about?"
but wow. quite a compliment. i have to admit, in the darkest recesses of night the thought of a masters in writing has briefly, oh so fleetingly, flitted through my mind (right next to the ones of moving to london, getting a cat and swimming in pudding). i just never thought other people would ever think so to mention it.
i can also see it being totally engaging, that's what's weird. i love the process so much. i wouldn't mind it as a focus.
it's very interesting, to have such an epiphany of your life the last 4 seconds of schooldom.
so yes. both writing crits were very complimentary, overly so, i felt so embarrassed, but it was nice. i also get to stay in contact with both teachers! woot. i love them.
that evening i transferred my work to dvd at my friends' house. what a hassle. i rode the train there, forgot my firewire, rode back downtown, got the wire, came back uptown... i didn't sleep at all and left their place at 9 am.
bonus: got a bagel sandwich out of the ordeal.
seeing it as i didn't sleep, as you can guess day 3 of my life-as-i-know-it, was a bust. i was so tired. i did meet with an old friend from the pre-req. screenwriting class and we, guess what? - held a crit with each other! i read his piece, which is beyond amazing and it was very fun as well. we talked for a few hours.
the more i am describing my time, the more woeful i am to see it all leave me.
today was figure drawing, also a fine crit. i don't think i've had so many fine crits in all my life. i feel like i am having an ego trip writing all this.
in class i had a mini panic attack again. i haven't had these for years and now they're coming in spades. this one had me shaking.
for the crit however, i posted my gestures and the pencil drawing from last entry. people said they couldn't believe the same person did both and "to have such different styles but both be so good, is amazingly rare."
oh me! and then this kid came up to me and shared this.
kid: hey.
me: hello.
kid: yeah...
kid looks at drawings.
kid: i've been watching you all semester because i thought i could learn so much from your line quality, i mean, wow.
(i faint.)
me: thank you!
then he left and came back.
kid: do you think i could get your email? let's stay in touch i'd love to know what you are doing.
we hardly talked all semester, just a few times and such, but wow, to use the phrase, wow. i also gave my figure drawing teacher a hug, he has some producer friend in n.y. he is apparently sending my stuff to, which is unnecessarily kind. anything that will help though, any one out there? i'll sharpen pencils for money!
also excited for it is one more fine professor i shall talk to later on in time.
as for now i am off to the store to buy some baking needs. i am going to make a quiche and cookies for MY LAST CLASS of animation.
break my heart.
oh! also, guess what? i inadvertently got involved in some other screening at a gallery. i don't rightly know how... but yes! the day after graduation, not bad eh? a bunch of graduates and their films.
suddenly i was @ 02:13 pm
monday, may 10, 2004
my first thought this morning when i opened my eyes was, "this is the first day of the last week of my life as i know it now."i then stayed in bed for another 10 minutes pondering this thought before i rose and prepped for school, for fake shakespeare class, where i promised to fill out an evaluation form, thus continuing my pretext of actually being in that class.
i want to describe every excruciating detail of these next few days, so i might savor and savor them for when come that time a year from now i might look back and a. weep because i miss them, b. laugh because i shall think i was pathetic or c. remark out loud, "i don't remember any of this."
but for now, i am tired, so maybe in a bit?
instead i leave you with this exchange.
i like that shirt.
this shirt?
yeah, you look good today.
heart: woof!
suddenly i was @ 09:27 pm
sunday, may 9, 2004
woo, look what i finished because it has been sitting on my desktop for years: amigoarawaysoo, the official fanlisting for the character david copperfield.i have such an obsessive problem.
but go, go! visit! tell me what you think of the layout and if you encounter any problems, please, please.
odile, i expect as my copperfield partner in crime you will be first in line to join. har har! did i tell you i started nicholas nickleby two weeks ago?
suddenly i was @ 01:48 am
saturday, may 8, 2004
and the award for best mood ever yesterday, goes to the lass who like the artful dodger, right here.that's right.
me, winner.
you, losah.
winner. me.
yesterday was awful, i haven't experienced such extreme angst in... i'm not even sure how long. everything i laid words to was assaulted, everything i thought upon was burned, it was awful, awful, awful!
this morning was actually no better. i was still bitter and rather headachey as well, bit of a throat sore as it were, but nothing cheers someone more than a day of animation class.
oh! how i love my animation class.
at this point in the semester, no one is in class. everyone is working on finals. i wander in 20 minutes late and only one other student is there.
by about 10 i believe there was a whopping five of us; even my teacher had even left.
my friend lilli went to share with us her movie she had burnt onto a cd when she cried out, "what? an audio file? where's my movie?"
sure enough, on her cd there was only an audio file, which refused to play but was listed as being by "mitch malloy" (genre "rock") in itunes.
"who the hell is mitch malloy?" asked lilli.
"i shall google him." i answered.
and now, behold the wonder that which is, malloy. check the flowing gilded tresses, flaxen curls which would make the dearest, purest rapunzel blush with shame. what ultimate hotness.
and if you thought the man was boss, i beg you, partake of the magic which is his music. it rocks and it rocks hard. oh baby.
i have never laughed so hard in all my life. malloy is the music which makes up the bad early 90's teen movie dating montage. so bad. so incredibly bad. i believe "mission of love" was our favourite.
after a while, vivian had claimed bass, lilli guitar, brae drums and i, lead vocals. ripping away at our air guitars (drums and horns) we rocked (hard core) in "perfect" dubness with malloy.
we have decided during the next animation screening, we shall take control and during intermission start up a malloy fest and have an interpretive dance contest.
we then found some donuts and shared them. where the donuts came from and who they once belonged to, we couldn't say for certain, but they are gone now and like the music, they were also, so good.
then to add to our hyperactivity, brooke came to class bearing homemade expresso truffles. very, very delicious.
not like i had four or anything though.
despite malloy, donuts and chocolate, i got much finished today: i made a dvd of my film and actually cleaned it up so it looks decent for once, called nick in new york concerning my film negative crisis (i'm missing some, fab), called tawny about her wedding, went grocery shopping. oh yeah.
after class i met up with rachel and we went to the mfa and freshmen art shows. very good work. i enjoyed the freshmen one especially. we then came over to my place and watched "the sandlot" (widescreen) and "oliver!" while we ate ice cream (banana rum sugar flavor? holy god).
and thus ends the second to last week of my life as i know it.
i can't tell you how depressed i am becoming. more and more. next friday, will be my last class ever. appropriately enough it is my animation class which is followed by the animation students' screening.
all my friends.
everyone, will be gone.
i'm leaving.
my support, my friends, my life, my- everything! it is going to be over! and i want to cry. will i ever get to do anything fun and laugh so hard at anything ever again? i was warned this time would go fast but i didn't think it would be so fast and now it's near over and i am clinging on to every last moment with my fingernails because i still have so much to do and learn and see.
life as you know never gets better, more beautiful, more comfortable or more desirable than when it is swiftly slipping away.
come back to me time, i want you back. please!
suddenly i was @ 02:01 am
friday, may 7, 2004
i'm ugly. i'm bitter. i'm anxious. i'm never going to sleep ever again. i just wrote up the biggest rant which you will not be privy to, because, guess what? it's my business not yours.and yet, some "brilliant" television is on.
"great expectations" the updated version. yeeeeeee hoo. could this get any worse? finn. finn? FINN? not even a protagonist's name is sacred. "finn's" sister is anorexic-thin, which i love in an actress and from what i have gathered so far is not abusive, but joe might be?
WHAT? at very least he is distant and has some drug issues.
by no stretch of the imagination is dickens a great author to update and place into modern standards. he wrote for his time. i-
OH JESUS. the dreaded voice over! no! save us.
"old miss 'namethatisn'thavisham' was crazy, but no one knew how crazy."
my soul is doing flips. miss havisham (as i will call her), her character is compleatly lost. she is far too lively. she opens dancing to "besame mucho." hmm... and apparently we dropped the whole bride angle.
and just when i thought this couldn't get worse, finn is an artist.
gag me with a humanzee hairball.
p.s. finn, you suck.
as i was saying, dickens is rarely updated because it is so hard to do. stories may be dickensian in nature (ie. cider house rules) or if they are adapted they must be done in some sort of creative manner ("oliver and company!" the disney film). for instance, in "great expectations" not only is it difficult to swallow as a modern tale (the withering bride in the rotting mansion, it just doesn't fly) but by moving it to america pip/finn's whole class struggle and urge to better himself society rise (and consequential pride issues and betrayal of those who were dearest to him) is lost. the class structure works differently in modern day u.s.a. than victorian age england. it's just too different.
what was anyone thinking here?
have i mentioned what a terrible mood i am in today?
help us, estella is in the bedroom with finn. if i have to endure a bed scene i will never, ever, ever be able to cope again with life i will be so traumatized. this will be worse than hamlet and ophelia. god. i shouldn't write in the heat of the moment, withhold my thoughts... AAH! stop with the arched neck shots and bad folkie music, "oooh, it's all right, when you feel the rain come down (guitar twang)."
ok, it's official. i will never be able to cope with life again.
it's too bad too, because i enjoy ethan hawke and gwyneth paltrow, though estella so doesn't work as a blonde (though, neither does hawke, let's face it).
this is the worst movie ever. how could there even be chemistry between estella and finn? why am i watching them get it on? i am in the worst mood.
the vaguest concept of the theme of "great expectations" has just been thrown out the window. estella is the cold unfeeling star not some pitiable dame. if she does evoke any pity she does so in the manner of "mrs. robinson" from "the graduate." she's not deserving of it, she is just an awful cold person and it's sad.
aw.
joe came to finn's gallery and i am supposed to feel something, yet since we made their relationship so distant and odd at the beginning of the film, hmm... let's see. i don't, because i don't care about joe's character. i was not made to like him and therefore could care less if finn throws him away.
now finn is having an estella moment.
finn: EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR YOU.
music: SOARINGEMOTION
this is so bad. finn is three steps short of screaming, "ESTELLA!" at the top of his lungs, in the manner of "a street car named desire." i pity the person who enjoys this film.
aw, now "magwitch" has come back into the plot and not only is the audience supposed to remember who he is, in the allotted 5 seconds of screen time his character is given we are supposed to feel something when he is knifed.
in case, on the small off chance, surely, we forget to have emotions the swelling, deafening barrage of stringed instruments will remind us we are supposed to feel bereaved.
i assault this film as i compare it to the book. to do a fair and impartial commentary on this movie, i would have to separate it from the novel and ask "does it work as a film?"
but at this point i don't really care to make the effort as i believe the answer is emphatically, no.
despite my complaints, the use of green in this film is inspired and i enjoyed their take (sans the bad voice over) on the original ending to "great expectations."
troy looks awful. why does hollywood insist upon making bad films? if they would hold back on making 1 bad film, they could make 3 good ones, i'm sure. i can't stand anything.
90 minutes later:
doing better. luckily i have been able, for the past hour, to yell out my angst over the phone and now feel slightly better.
i am going to put my ugly hideous self away from livejournal now and move onto better things, thank god for "cleopatra" in all its gaudy awfulness/brilliance.
suddenly i was @ 02:57 am
tuesday, may 4, 2004
i had my screening! my film was shown on the big screen.
the crowd was quite literally half of last week, um. big huge surprise, my friends barely made it there and my aunt couldn't even come. still plenty of people were there though, so all in all, not bad. the show wasn't as impressive as last week's, again no surprise. it was a bit rougher and as i suspected many of the pieces this round fit the "art film" bill more and were "less accessible" or narrative than the last lot.
my transfer looked better than i had made it out to be, but it was still incredibly rough, the colour of the different splices and the FILM FRAME, sigh, but it was ok.
i was very excited because i got this huge applause and only because i literally knew everyone in the audience student wise. i think i have appeared in enough random classes, been in animation long enough and talked to everyone who will listen to me that officially, i am known to all.
it was really nice everyone clapped so much. really... people patted my shoulders and whispered at me when the credits ran. one person gave me an ovation (a bit much) and i even had several woots and hollers. can you believe it?
afterward, even the misanthrope (m.c.), who, why yes- did sit with our group, came over and shook hands with me.
heart: EXPLODE.
i could have married him right there... i mean, heaven. the perfect capper to the evening.
i didn't go out with the animation troupe afterward, they were all going to another screening. instead i watched, "newsies" with my friend rachel and baked cookies for my screenwriting class, because, i like to love people.
i am in such a state right now.
joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy.
suddenly i was @ 01:32 am
sunday, may 2, 2004
i just finished my dickensian script. just barely. some 20 seconds ago. i typed out the last words then burst into tears crying out, "it's over!"
this is worse than finishing a book you're reading and loving. all my characters... they're all gone... their story is told.
by saying "end" i should not it is not really the end, it is not really over. i still have to edit the some 20 pages i wrote today and everything else... but the basic story of kip and felix... it's been told my friends. my little characters... i can't believe after all this time... i finally wrote it out. i feel so sad.
what am i going to do with myself? what am i going to think about? for over the past year every second of my life has been dedicated to thinking of this, reading, researching, thinking, plotting, dreaming... now...
i don't even know.
suddenly i was @ 07:28 pm