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wednesday, march 31, 2004
watch me talk to someone i have been trying to impress all semester long.... somewhere in animation class.
me: how's it going?
person: it's coming along.
me: can i spy at your drawings?
person: what?
me: can i spy at your drawings?
person: what?
me: ... can i spy at your drawings, can i see them?
person: oh! i thought you said 'in spite of your drawings.'
i then run the person's version of the conversation through my mind.
me: how's it going?
person: it's coming along.
me: in spite of your drawings.
GAH!
of course, being on 2 hours of sleep at the time, i was able recover eloquently and so reply steadily... with the most ill concieved sentence thus spoken on planet earth.
me: oh, no, no! oh god, no, i mean, i don't know, i've never seen any of them.
me in head and now: wait, that didn't come out right.
sigh. whoops.
suddenly i was @ 03:48 am
monday, march 29, 2004
i feel utterly dejected and awful. just down and empty.sigh.
i want a nap.
suddenly i was @ 05:22 pm
sunday, march 28, 2004
oh! i feel so much better. last night when i began crawling into bed, i realized i hadn't done such for at least two days. i can't stand that feeling. it reminds me of first year when there was a two week period where i don't think i slept a collective 6 hours for the entire period of time. it was the worst i have ever felt in my entire life. i remember back then getting so tired, i fell over once, because i had fallen asleep standing up.
now, however, i am feeling much better. i love when you get a night of sleep after a day or two of no sleeping because then suddenly you get up at the crack of dawn because your body can't cope with more than 6 hours of rest. ha.
i also love when you get into bed for the first time and sleep won't come willingly because it's like your body has forgotten how to do it.
body: what am i doing?
me: sleeping.
body: what?
last night i watched another bit of hamlet.
oh my god.
what follows here is a segment which was meant to be a comment but turned into a full fledged rant and critique.
i don't know if i can finish this movie, truly. kenneth b. is absolutely painful to watch as hamlet. painful.
this coming from someone who willingly watches lifetime movies. i am a veritable connoisseur of bad acting.
if i have to watch him clench his fists in angst in manner of celine dion, as though he was delivering his lines like a power ballad, one more time, jesus. also, just because you may not understand the line, yelling it AT TOP VOLUME does not make it better, more powerful or more easier to grasp, nor do we need not throw ourselves on the ground screaming (and clenching our fists) in a fit of overpowering emotions, every three seconds.
personally i feel the character of hamlet was misread throughout this movie. take for example when he is playing with polonius.
pol: hey whacha readin'?
ham: words.
hamlet is being witty. hamlet is the master of words when he is at his best (thus always his connection to books and letters). he is like the american gladiator champion of word play. the audience knows hamlet is in trouble when words start to fail him (ie when the grave digger out word plays hamlet or ophelia who represents all that was once good in hamlet, out hamlets hamlet and then dies). also, in this scene with polonius, when hamlet is supposedly faking madness, in the play there is some ambiguity. everyone is 99 percent sure hamlet is play acting, but then... every once and a while, the certainty becomes disjointed and the audience is made to wonder, "wait... he's just pretending... right?"
all this was lost in the film, partly because the witty lines were screamed.
polonius: whacha readin'?
hamlet: WORDS!
(spittle, fist clench, throws self on ground, overcome by throws of ANGST)
all in all, kenny b.'s hamlet gives new meaning to the term: drama queen.
sarah (my cousin's friend) was compleatly right, kenneth is a fine comedic actor who grossly over estimated his abilities as a tragedian.
also, i too felt more sympathetic towards characters like claudius (wrong, a feeling i never wanted to have) than i ever did with the protagonist. hamlet is supposed to be a pitiable character. fate takes him, chews him up and spits him out. he is torn between extremes in himself (to be, not to be, bad ass action hamlet and poetic hamlet) and in life (the old king and ophelia). he does not want to kill but is impelled by everything in world and in the supernatural world, which he fears, to do just thus! with filmhamlet, there is no duality. he comes off as evil. he doesn’t appear torn or tortured by his own indecision. he is just angst all the time.
then again, these could have been director decisions, because i felt all the performances were far too over the top and many of the characters misrepresented; even ophelia. she screams and angsts along with hamlet.
all in all, way too much screaming and yelling in this movie. i can't even tell you how many times i was jolted awake.
another favourite yelled line:
hamlet: ABOUT MY BRAINS.
modern translation: wait a sec.
why is he yelling this to himself?
oh, and i could have gone all my live long life without ever seeing a sex scene with hamlet and ophelia. there are some places minds were not made to wander and that is one of them. it will take me weeks to shake the taint from my mind.
again, the concept of ambiguity was lost. in the play, there was some hint ophelia and hamlet had been together (ophelia: i denied him access to me. or as filmophelia says it: I DENIED HIM ACCESS TO ME), just as there was some hint hamlet truly had loved her at one point but we never really saw it. to not see something and to be (har har) only 99 percent sure of something makes the 1 percent of uncertainty all the more intriguing which is why we want to watch hamlet more because we are unsure of what he is about.
is he mad? is he not? did he love ophelia? does he still love her?
oh and p.s. screenwriters for "hamlet," random flashbacks are the bane of this film.
also, sarah, you were mentioning the forest and the ghost. again, right, right. i don't know who adapted this play, but obviously they were untrained in the art of subtlety. i enjoyed the great EARTHQUAKE and the MOUTH OF HELL opening as hamlet et al SCREAMED THEIR LINES.
jesus, the ghost may be from hell (which again was never certainly stated in the play as the play is about delay and uncertainly between options) but there is no need to be so literal.
- and while we're on the topic of artistic elements of the film, i don't know if it is because my mind has been on storyboards all weekend, but this movie has the worst framing i have ever seen in my life for such a big motion picture.
if anyone has this, watch it.
amateur mistakes are all over the place, ie: a close up shot of one head cuts to another identical shot of another head. everything is shot in "soap opera" mode (that is, close up all the time). i found myself in bed saying, "pull out for the love of god, give me a far shot!"
also, random music video edits do not behoove this film.
i think the editors felt an audience couldn't stare at hamlet talk for a full speech (though, really, we've been doing it for centuries)- which perhaps we could if we were given a far or two, so they interspliced everything with shots of what he was talking about (just in case we couldn't get it from the dialogue).
one last negatory:
the music of this movie is invasive and maudlin. i could have chosen a better soundtrack myself and i am a musical moron who tends to be over dramatic anyhow.
all these comments made, i shall give positive feedback now:
the ghost was acted well i thought, the scene was badly shot, but at least he didn't yell his lines.
to his credit, k.b. who couldn't give a decent soliloquy to save this film, did a fine job with hamlet's chit chat. nice natural flow.
that was a bit cruel, the "to be" speech was decent, though i felt the point of it again was misread as hamlet's indecision was lost as he came off more resolute and evil than anything else.
i said before flashbacks were the bane of this film, i lied, the murder sequence with old hamlet worked nicely, but then poison in the ear is just funny no matter how you cut it.
best scene which nearly redeemed the whole film for me:
rosencrantz and guildenstern riding in on the mini train. i nearly wet my pants i laughed so hard. how in the world did witty hamlet hook up with these two idiots? now that is the question.
a good play: hamlet meets rosencrantz and guildenstern in college.
rmatey: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
gfunk: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
hamlet: ok, who’s been drinking my listerine?
r&g: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
so far two stars out of four for this film (bonus star as it is shakespeare) but i really have to finish it, maybe the second half will magically become brilliant.
ha, if brevity is the soul of wit- ha, well, i guess i am a witless moron.
hi, my name is polonius and i will be your lj writer for today.
suddenly i was @ 09:43 am
saturday, march 27, 2004
it is not even midnight and i am crashing. i didn't finish my demo tape or other storyboard or write my quota of script pages today- but oh well. i was so senselessly tired i was hardly moving at all, i was lucky i finished my one storyboard and edited 30 pages of my screenwriting for tuesday.good night!
GOD does it feel good to say that.
p.s. betsy, thank you for the phone call. i heart you. sorry i was so zombie when you called, i had the lucidity of a potted plant at the time.
p.p.s. sniff, frankie valli was on the sopranos tonight and i missed it!
suddenly i was @ 11:51 pm
a. successfully created the world's thriftiest animatic; i wrote the script, made the sound, music and voices, woot!
b. cleaned out rosencrantz and guildenstern's frog house.
c. video taped rosencrantz and guildenstern, because i need a life.
i also have to thank and apologize to dear
right now i am taking a small break while i burn backup copies of my work and am watching, "hamlet" starring kenneth branagh. the first scene just finished and all ready i'm thinking, "eeeeeeeh... no." this is not working for me at all.
1. is there anyone good looking in this film? is that orangutan supposed to be horatio? what the- is that daph- i mean, jack lemmon?
(wait, my bad, fortinbras is decent lookin')
i bet they'll make hamlet good looking, which stinks, because of all the characters he should look more like ignatius from "confederacy of the dunces," at least to please me.
2. whoa drama quotient, the music and the scene set up- waaaaaay too over the top. let's take it down about 20 levels guys. the ghost appears and horatio, marcellus et al are screaming at it and flailing all over each other while the music belts and screeches like it is trying to remind us to have emotions and to feel what ever one it so happens to dictate (at the moment: HORROR)
horatio: HARROW!
fortinbras: WAR!
marcellus: AAAAH!
GHOST: OMINOUS.
SKY: SAME FOREBODING SHOT THREE CONSECUTIVE TIMES IN A ROW.
3. jack lemmon?
4. that's all right if we set this in tzar russia, because that makes perfect sense... jesus.
5. they all ready have removed, or ignored the initial references to nature in the dialogue. had we studied the play more than at surface level, we would have known a shot of the RESTLESS MORDANT GREY SEA would have behooved this film. it's not all about the dialogue, great readers can read in between the lines.
sigh.
when i have had no sleep, i am merciless.
i guess i better check out hamlet.
me: HARROW!
also me at 8.59 am: god, it's almost nine am and i am still so awake, i am awesome!
i go to set down my hot chocolate on a night stand, miss and spill it all over: wall, carpet, expensive books, cds and dvds.
score.
suddenly i was @ 10:03 am
those of you out there reading this with my number, if you have ANY LOVE in your heart for me, call to see if i live tomorrow. PLEASE. i beg.
i don't know if this is unique to my own all nighter habits or what, but does anyone else get really loud and exaggerated? i'm sitting here trying to make a voice over of a 10 year old boy and am failing miserable and i am laughing so outrageously loud i'm certain i'm stirring neighbors from their slumber.
me: BWAHAHAHAHA, inhale, HA HA HA!
and what's worse, i don't even think i really think it's funny, i'm just tired.
suddenly i was @ 03:41 am
thursday, march 25, 2004
i have froggies! little rosencrantz and guildenstern. so incredibly cute, my tiny babies.
suddenly i was @ 10:05 pm
tuesday, march 23, 2004
god, today was a long day.i'm thinking...
let's do that monday.
har!
what else? then i had my mind, memory and music psychology class. it was our big review for the test and i could barely hold my head upright. during the break i made a snack run and was thus, slightly conscious for the rest of the course.
then! - today was a 12 hour school day - was screenwriting. i think i miss my old class. this one lacks the chemistry and camaraderie which was what made the other one so close knit and wonderful.
i had to read someone's screen direction for some 30 pages, oh my. when i started to read i was starving (forgot my piece of fruit!), then the hunger faded and became an intense shooting pain up the middle of my brain only to morph by the end of it all into an extreme case of heartburn.
class got out late... and here i am.
slight headache, heart burn, wrist braces... i'm falling apart.
i also have a problem. it's not a terrible problem, but think i need advice, but i don't want to tell so many people about my issue, because i am embarrassed by it.
insert a large sad sigh, right... about...
here.
in other news: notes from my fake shakespeare classexactly as written in the margins of my copy of "othello."
our jobs as artists:
"dogma and utopias are bad. as artists you are beyond all of it. as an artist you are at odds with religion, philosophy and government because they're all about setting up agendas and it is your job to take such things apart. have a mind so pure an idea couldn't penetrate it. don't uphold one point, hold them all up. be a forest. if you stand for something, you need a guillotine to your heart. if none of us stood for anything, there'd be nothing to fight about. laziness is good."
people as resumés:
"othello plans to kill desdemona. only regrets loss of ideal characteristics. othello doesn't look inside, he's always talking himself into things. act I he's talking himself into being confident, now it's murder.
if you don't talk, you don't exist here. desdemona is not humanized. she is her resumé. a superficial list of virtues: good knitter, pretty, remember when she knitted that cozy for my sword?
but what makes you love someone if you don't love them for their quirks and resumé? why would you love them if not for their attributes?
love cannot be seen. there is only evidence of it. things you say and do. desire is shown through language. language is the the hostage of desire, taken by you then released to do your bidding, it's like patti hearst.
love is a dream too beautiful to believe, that's why othello let's it go so soon. he can't believe it."
there's something about iago:
"iago is the born again psycho. he was once a caterpillar now he's a butterfly. i'm as mad as hell and i'm not taking it any more! he couldn't before because he had illusions. only suckers are honest. tell them what they're doing. iago is the author of action. watch iago's influence. he writes the characters. he's the stage manager. he's there to tell you what to say and how to say it. iago knows how everyone will act because now he has no illusions. iago sees through all humanity to the matrix."
about love:
"how can one word mean all these things? words are like a prism, they trap light and spray colours up onto the wall. the truest things cannot be said."
and lastly:
"none of my students are allowed to commit suicide until they are at least 30 because before you're thirty your brain chemistry is all over the place. serotonin levels etc...
despair is like the last growing pain. look at me. when i was 20 the whole world was like, ARGH, but now i'm old and everything is hunky dory. i'm here to tell you the grass is greener so don't commit suicide yet."
i am way too lazy to proof this bugger tonight. alas. i really shouldn't complain, after tomorrow spring break starts. a whole two days. woot.
hooray! tomorrow i get rosencrantz and guildenstern!
suddenly i was @ 10:59 pm
sunday, march 21, 2004
i am so bored! yet happy. i have found a new dickens friend, my cousin's friend in nz. we have create the dickens fangirl club, "da boz grrlz."why oh why OH WHY does editing take so long?
a romantic dialogue by me:
guy: I shall see you soon then?
girl:If I can find the time.
guy: If you can’t find the time, I shall help you find it.
girl: We shall see.
guy: How about in the morning when it is dawn and warm, or during the highest sunstroke of day? Or perhaps on another night like tonight, when the stars are silent and the air is chill. Do any of those times so please you? I shall wade through every second of the day until one does.
girl smiles.
guy: Any of those times?
girl: Goodnight.
guy: Any of those times.
what do you guys think? if that one doesn't work there is always this one, created by my friend jenjen and i over icecream earlier today.
girl: hey.
guy: hey.
girl: guess what?
guy: what?
girl: i likes ya.
guy: AAAH!
girl: no!
guy: restraining order!
girl: cries!
for notation sake, the first dialogue actually lives in my script.
all i have eaten today is ice cream.
suddenly i was @ 02:20 am
saturday, march 20, 2004
i can't stand my script. i don't like writing it and it is going no where. naughty wicked casey! i missed a week and now i am even more detached from its awfulness, how dare you offer up fun and joy, giving me a taste of life when i should have been dead before my writing.i took the hugest nap today. i am never going to bed again.
last night i spent the vast majority of my time bonding with my cousin's friend in nz, deesse, because my cousin abandoned us and left to our own devices. we had no where else to turn but to each other in the dark, cruelness of the world. go dickensian fangirls! odile, if you're out there, know! i've found another one!
sigh. now back to my other script which makes no cohesive sense.
suddenly i was @ 09:56 pm
friday, march 19, 2004
oh dear god i have reached a new level of nerdom. i thought i had no other venue to explore after i found i needed arch supports, but no, how wrong i was.why?
i have inflamed tendons in my wrists.
why?
typing mostly, drawing, animation but mostly typing.
that's right! as i type now i have on intolerably immobile wrist braces which, strangely, feel quite nice.
i went to the doctor today because i was convinced i had either a tumor or an alien child growing in both of my wrists (or that i was healing from some secret crucifixion). a few of you have witnessed this in person, if i tilt my hands back, pointing my wrists up to the ceiling, great bulges appear. great sick looking ones. they started showing up last semester.
the screenwriting semester.
i'm morbidly excited to tell my screenwriting class. i have to wear wrist braces! does this make me a real writer?
some people, cool people, like dancers and gymnasts. have to wear such things because they actually injure themselves. me?
i type the letter "f"
me: ow!
even i have to roll my eyes at myself.
anyhow. back off to work . i am still cruising on 2 hours of sleep!
suddenly i was @ 05:14 pm
i don't know if such is unique to my own sleep deprived condition, but when it hits that certain hour around four am, i just love dancing. i turn on my radio and just gesticulate about the room till i am about to collapse.
tom jones is the best to twist about to.
i also just watched the trailer extra of my amazing 40 dollar "great expectations" dvd. we're talking close to tears. it looks so beautiful, friends!
but then, at 4 am, so many things are beautiful.
whoops i just went to sit in my chair and missed.
i just watched a clip from "moulin rogue." love, love, above all things i believe in love. christian is so me.
excuse me now while i fall on my face.
suddenly i was @ 04:46 am
wednesday, march 17, 2004
oh for sad, my dear casey has left now! i am again alone. i am so glad i had a visitor! for joy and glory, it was good times, even if ever at the back of my mind was a nagging workload whispering repeatedly, "don't forget me, don't forget me..."the adventures of casey and i
casey came in on thursday. covered with conte from figure drawing i met up with her and her cousin, eli. we drove out to a huge japanese grocery mall called "mitsua" and relished in all the wondrous things such as milk gelato, which is far too good to be of this earth. the drive was quite long, but well worth it. we returned to my homestead thereafter, eli was also to spend the night and settled in laughing at the brilliance that is "justice league."
it was a demure first day, as oft they are, because casey was weary from travel (and i from conte).
day the second! the big day. we all woke up very early and i dragged both guests to my animation class. join me in my exuberant chorus of "O, Joyous Hurrah!"
casey got to play starlet for the day. she was the model for my animation piece i've been working on for the past two years, which everyone in the world has seen, so everyone knew her.
me walking into my teacher: this is casey.
casey: hello.
teacher to casey: hello. i didn't think you'd be so tall!
we then projected my film and casey got to see it for the first time in its entirety. she also got to watch my storyboard of papageno in the magic flute, which i must upload for you people, it's too hilarious. such is what happens when one gets ZERO hours of sleep sometimes.
at 12, we bid my class farewell and went to chinatown. there was much happy perusing, needless purchasing (on my part, like i really need more stationery) and delicious foods were partaken of throughout the visit.
we then returned home, rested, then set out for a dinner, since eli was to leave that evening.
ah, choosing a place was awful. being downtown, there are only chain type places, good, but not neat little independent restaurants. eli wanted to go someplace different because he never gets into the city, but i was a moron and could think of nothing and casey didn't really care. we couldn't go too far, because we didn't have much time because eli needed to save his car from the garage before 9 pm.
in the end (read: some two hours later) we just took his car to a sushi place, down the way.
it was so delicious. i had a shitake mushroom salad mmm... and all but went algae fish with my plate and the orange dressing.
it was during this dinner casey and i came up with the genius plan to invent alcoholic gelato, inspired by her tastes-like-sherbet tangerine martini.
after dinner, i was having a crisis, because i really needed to get to a grocery store as i owned raisins and mustard (surely not enough to feed casey and i during her stay). it was then we discovered the most enormous magic grocery store by the sushi place. it had serve yourself bins of fresh mozzarella cheese! i mean, DEAR GOD.
in the end, since i had both eli and casey for hands and eli's car as trasport, i had the biggest grocery shop i have had in literally three years; easily 3 times larger than normal.
SO much joy.
eli then parted company with us and casey and i again went home. once casey fell asleep, i started to edit my sound for animation until 4.30 am.
saturday! saturday began with the two of us artfully sleeping through three hours of my alarm (impressive as it is set at a volume which would easily render an elephant deaf).
this was the shopping day. when we finally set about our travels, we made it about one block away from my place when we turned into a fantastic (and cheap!) clothing store. casey got quite the haul but it was fine fine stuff. even i, in all my badness, did not escape unscathed, i bought a skirt, which i shall wear today! i searched all winter for a-line skirts and this store had a million of them.
after the shopping madness, we again ventured to chinatown and met up with my core posse of friends for a lunch-dinner and the most delicious place called joyees.
i had pineapple fried rice.
roll on floor in ecstasy.
the luncheon was rushed, as the place is always hopping but all in all, it was still fun. afterward, i believe... it's all such a blur, i believe we went for a walk along the mag mile and paid a visit to both the sanrio store and the apple store.
again, we returned home, casey fell asleep and i worked on my sound.
sunday was the magic museum day. we went to the museum of science and industry. sunday am was the morning of enormous crankiness for me. i was awful. gritting teeth, biting comments, awful. not my best at all. i also felt a bit feverish. i think i was just over tired.
the museum was something i had never seen before- it was so fab! we got to watch baby chicks hatch, two to be exact and it was so wrongfully cute. we were the hugest onlookers, twice as big as anyone there. there's casey and i kneeling, so the FOUR YEAR OLDS could see, with our faces pressed to the glass.
us: baaaaaaaabies...
we spent all day at the museum. we took the bus back home, cleaned up and then met up with my friend ana and went out to dinner since casey needed city famous pizza.
i love pizza. i think this meal was our best, the conversation seemed more natural and nothing was rushed.
again, dinner was finished we went home, played around, casey fell asleep and i worked.
monday aka casey's supposed last day.
i went to my pretend shakespeare class while casey slept in, shakespeare was fabulous, despite the fact i was falling asleep. you totally can't read my last few note entries.
then i ran to animation II to share my sound file with my teacher. my teacher and a few other students and the t.a. were there.
insert the most IMMENSE JOY right here!
oh i was tired before and terribly hungry before- but all such dissipated in an instant there- oh if only that ten minute window were all all day long and that each day were monday! i would never want for food or rest and would be absolutely happy forever and ever.
i was so happy and perky for the rest of the day.
after my meeting, casey and i met up to visit the art museum where there is a huge rembrant show. amazing work; all of his etchings and sketches. what followed was probably the most seriously wrong episodes of religious blasphemy as practiced by casey and i.
me: you know, i'm not religious in any way, but i've always thought the virgin was cool.
casey: why do they call her the virgin, wasn't she married?
me: wasn't it someone else whose conception was immaculate?
casey: maybe she was a lesbian...
me: it's probably a metaphorical phrase. i believe there's some grains of historical accuracy in the bible. i mean, there's actual geological evidence of a huge destructive flood. the bible is like one huge long game of telephone that has been going on for thousands of years. you know, there was probably some dude in a boat with a goat but by the time we get it in the bible it becomes noah and his ark.
this was the most wrong of our discussions. me looking at a picture of christ crucified as his cross is raised before a lamenting crowd.
me voicing for the jesus in the picture: weeeeeee!
oh forgive me my badness.
we also had to pay homage to the impressionist section. how i love degas.
casey and i then went to lunch, which was needlessly large and delicious. mmm... lemon squares...
we visited borders, then returned home only to discover casey's ride couldn't make it to the city, so i had her another night!
we spent most of it reading. i ran on the treadmill reading othello out loud and she read, quietly, her cadaver book.
we then made dindin together and burnt her an opera cd.
p.s. still have to edit sound.
tuesday, now, we woke up (with three alarms this time). gathered casey coffee and met up with her cousin eli, who came to spirit her away.
and thus ends casey's visit to the city.
i wish she could have stayed longer, how i shall miss her!
thank you for visiting casey! it was so much fun, i'm so glad you came.
cries and cries.
i should update you to where i stand from my last life report. clearly, i survived my script read. it was received warmly enough. people seemed to enjoy it and everyone was impressed by how fast it moved, which is good, because my other one moves quite slowly.
people laughed at the appropriate places and everyone likes the main character.
the coup de happiness though, was after class when my teacher told me, "this was really well written" and "thank you for doing something different. it's good for you to take such a challenge."
hooray! now i just have to play the game of catch-up and write during the week to make up for what i missed over the weekend.
sigh and now... my eyes. i am still so tired.
i must start preparing for class. how can it be noon already?
p.s. david copperfield update. FOR AW. sweet love. david is engaged. on thursday, my special reading day, i was weeping in class. partly because barkis bought the biscuit and partly because david prepared to greet the dear girl he so fawns after. i just couldn't bear the sweetness of it. my eyes got all misty and i hope no one noticed. i was also laughing.
i need to take some pages from david's book! he knows how to get things rolling with those admired.
message from the future: whoops! forgot to hit submit! now it's tomorrow.
suddenly i was @ 02:03 am
tuesday, march 9, 2004
i am so nervous i am about to faint, spontaneously combust and vomit all at once.
welcome, worst read of the universe, here i come.
suddenly i was @ 05:40 pm
that line of pyramus' is stuck in my head, i think it is prophetic in nature and refers to the inevitable DEATH i am certain to suffer from the work of my own hands in my first script read of the semester tomorrow.
sigh, i so do not like my script, i cannot even convey to you in words my utter horror of it. i can't believe other eyes besides my own are ever going to see it.
last friday i had the largest temper tantrum in public and i broke one of my own cardinal rules, granted i think most of it was the work of the P.aul M.ccartney S.yndrome (as my friend and i in the 12th grade called it) but boy howdy, it was a needless hissy spazz i am now a bit embarrassed by it, though no one else seems to care or even remember it now.
a story in which i lose myself and a good deal of pocket money
i wanted to rent the old "great expectations" movie from the library. it is the 1946 edition and is considered the definitive dickens adaptation as well as a masterfully beautiful piece of film work visually. the library had it on dvd when i went not last week, but the week before, though it was checked out.
"it is due back the fourth," the clerk told me, "come back then."
"all right." said i and i left.
on the fourth i returned with open arms for my dvd (this may have actually occurred on a second visit on the 4th, i'm not quite sure) only to find, yes, it was in, but not shelved and since this city doesn't believe in customer service and i was in no hurry, they said to come back the following day and i consented.
i returned the next day only to find out it was still not shelved. the librarian even showed me the carts it could be in, but wouldn't let me look through them. i was then given a number so i could call the desk and be obnoxious via the telephone.
oh, and i was. i called several times a day the next few days and every time the answer was the same, "it's not back on the shelf” (oh wait, once it was on a cart with other movies but the names were facing the other way and the librarian didn’t want to look through them).
thursday was a particularly active calling period. i called in the morning, "it's not on the shelf." i called around lunch, "call back at 2, it will be ready then."
oh, let me interject, they won't hold a video for you at the library.
i called back at 2 and the librarian man told me, "call back tomorrow, there's no way it is going on the shelf today. it'll be done tonight after hours."
"all right." said i again.
so! on friday, i didn't call right away in the morning, because why would i? at about 3 i called and asked if my movie was shelved. the man check,ed "ah, yes, it was put on the shelf, but it looks like it's been checked out."
me: you're kidding?
the man then says, "yes, looks like it was checked out at 2 yesterday."
this was the phrase which pushed me over the edge and i broke one of my cardinal rules: don't yell and the peon of the work place because it is not their fault.
me in rage: i was told it wouldn't be back on the shelf until today.
man: well-
me: i've been calling for over a week waiting for that movie, i called at two yesterday and was told it wasn't shelved!
man: but-
me: RANT. FROTHING RAGE. BITTER. SPIT.
my whole animation class cowers in fear.
i then slammed down my cel phone like i was trying to slam it into a cradle, because when one is in a fit it just does not serve to press the end key. i hurt my finger in the process, but i feel it was karma and accepted its pain.
i am really dramatizing it wasn't that bad and i tried to make light of the situation and had people laughing with me, but on the inside i was on fire. i was so bitter, i went to borders to buy the movie. when it wasn't there, i catered to my retail therapy urges (must... own... things...) and partook of the classical music sale (classical cds, 5 dollars!). i now own cds of: beethoven's string quartets, vivaldi's four seasons and "famous adagios" (i bought the latter thinking it read allegro... such a musical twit).
then i went to amazon and purchased my movie which was no cheap endeavor; 40 dollars, for one disc!
me: what? is it gilded? does the dvd taste like chocolate?
this better be the greatest movie in the history of all movies or i shall be shaking with wrath. still, let it be known, i rather spend 40 dollars than ever go to the library again to visit their audio visual section.
once every 4 months or so i consider writing a complaint letter about it, i mean, it's the section which doesn't carry any of mozart's most famous operas for public use and shelf the "cool runnings" soundtrack under "opera."
rage. THIS is the library at the heart of one of the biggest cities in the country?
does anyone know if there is a decent david copperfield movie? my 310 minute "great expectations" is coming to an end and i am getting distressed. what will i be able to watch in 5 minute increments for the rest of school? i can only think of the very long n. nickleby pbs production.
when looking for my old g.e. movie (really, what business does this have costing over 35 dollars?), i also spent a good while playing on imdb looking for other dickens adaptations.
these are the amazing things i came across.
gaminette, you and i are so here: oliver 2005.
please, dear god, let it be good...
and more over, not set in modern day new york... PLEASE.
great expectations the untold story. untold... uh, for a reason. merciful heavens, this is lessened in horror only by the greatness which, surely, must have been the escape of the artful dodger or jackanapes: the new adventures of the artful dodger, the latter being his whimsical journey into young adulthood and forays into first loves. still, i confess, i totally would watch and read all of these if i didn't have to spend a dime. har, especially the bad au tv show i would laugh so hard at it i'd probably lose a nostril in the process. i beg you to read the plot lines. genius work.
hey the artful dodger kid is kind of a fox.
score.
hey, and he also played a character named, "chuck finn."
double score!
darvy potterfield. does anyone else have vague memories of watching this on television? because i do.
i want to watch it again.
i must come off as the most obsessive person in this journal.
today i crashed the shakespeare course again, where i was referred to as, "special guest person." hurrah. i also crashed the animation II class again, i am sure, to the dismay of all there. at least today i came in a pack with three other girls. we were all sitting in the hall waiting to enter the class, looking like we were having a picnic when a certain individual walked out.
a special dialogue.
person: oh... hello.
us: hello!
me: we’re having a tea party.
person: you can go in, i mean, there’s room.
really, the pain of going to the animation II class, personally, for me, is becoming torturous. it is really... i don't know. i am just to sad for words.
and tired.
i haven't gone to bed before 4 am in the past 4 days. and i wonder why i have dark circles under my eyes which could be mistaken for WORMHOLES. i think i shall read more d.c. tonight. oh! i must tell you. to my horror, somehow my memory jumbled dora (david's new lurve interest) into the story of "little dorrit," yet another dickensian tale.
why should this matter?
because dude, my future daughter is to be named dora. what if my future daughter was born and i never read d.c. again? i would have forever believed and would have told her thus, that dora was from "little dorrit!"
horror.
my future daughter's name: dora éponine.
my future son names (undecided): oliver, benjamin, phineas, jude, lane
what are your future kid names?
i love the name oliver (i get more obsessed sounding as i go on tonight) but it is a tough first name, because, say phineas was a middle name- if you said oliver phineas, it sounds like "all over phineas."
benjamin is nice too, had i been male i was going to be a benjamin.
i am so going to bed now i have a huge day tomorrow.
thus DIE i.
p.s. d.c. chapter "i am capitivated," it is so me right now, laugh at it.
suddenly i was @ 04:05 am
monday, march 8, 2004
whoa, where did my last entry go?it was eaten by barnarby the e monster.
thank goodness it only read, "what idiot thought it would be interesting to write portions of my script in iambic pentameter? oh yeah. me."
which, as i wanted to comment now, is the same idiot who thought it would be cool to disrupt the tedium of a three day weekend by crashing a shakespeare course.
ug... don't want to be awake, my eyes... they sag...
suddenly i was @ 08:14 am
friday, march 5, 2004
today was a rather blah day, neither outrageously great nor terrible. i stared at a naked man for six hours. meh. that's about it.good old figure drawing.
actually what i most entertained myself with today was good old "david copperfield." thursday is my special reading day as my figure drawing class is fraught with delightful (and more over, plentiful breaks) planned, as to give the model and chance to wiggle around. during this wiggle time i eargerly sit down and read as many pages as i can.
for all my 15 minute bits today, i read some 50 pages.
i read the best section of d.c. this afternoon. it was so funny. if you can picture it: the class is on break, there is a middle murmur in the class as people stretch and mill about looking at others' eisels when suddenly the calm is shattered by a high, "pah, ha!"
everyone turns to the corner where i am hiding behind my eisel fanning them off with cries of, "excuse me, sorry!" clutching my book.
the section was called, or rather, i have dubbed it, david copperfield gets drunk and i would now like to share with you some portions from it because god forbid i just go to bed.
"i went on, by passing the wine faser and faster yet, and continually starting up with a corkscrew to open more wine, long before any was needed. i proposed steerforth's health. i said he was my dearest friend, the protector of my boyhood and the companion of my prime. i said i was delighted to propose his health. i said i owed him more obligations than i could ever repay, and held him in higher admirations than i could ever express. i finished by saying, 'i'll give you steerforth! god bless him! hurrah!' we gave him three times three, and another, and a good one to finish with. i broke my glass in going round the table to shake hands with him, and i said (in two words) 'steerforth- you'retheguidingstarofmyexist-ence.'"
aww. david is like a college freshman! we continue...
"somebody was leaning out of my bedroom window, refreshing his forehead against the cool stone of the parapet, and feeling the air upon his face. it was myself. i was addressing myself as 'copperfield', and saying, 'why did you try to smoke? you might have known you couldn't do it.' now, somebody was unsteadily contemplating his features in the looking-glass. that was i too. i was very pale in the looking-glass; my eyes have a vacant appearence; and my hair- only my hair; nothing else - looked drunk.
somebody said to me, 'let us go to the theatre, copperfield!' there was no bedroom before me, but again the jingling table covered with glasses; the lamp; grainger on my right, markham on my left, and steerforth opposite- all sitting in a mist, and a long way off. the theatre? to be sure. the very thing. come along! but they must excuse me if i saw everybody out first, and turned the lamp off- in case of fire.
owing to some confusion in the dark, the door was gone. i was feeling for it in the window-curtains when steerforth, laughing, took my by the arm and led me out. we went downstairs, one behind the other. near the bottom, somebody fell, and rolled around. somebody else said it was copperfield. i was angry at that false report, until, finding myself on my back in the passage, i began to think there might be some foundation for it.
a very foggy night, with great rings round the lamps in the streets! there was an indistinct talk of its being wet. i considered it frosty. steerforth dusted me under a lamp-post, and put my hat into shape, which somebody produced from somewhere in the most extraordinary manner, for i hadn't had it on before. steerforth then said, 'you are all right, copperfield, are you not?' and i told him, 'neverberrer.'"
i am still laughing at this! and i've read it some 15 times today. drunk hair?
really. people don't change. dickens wrote these words in 1849, yet this is something i saw last friday when i came home late from school. whoever says men have made any great progress in the world is lying. we are and i suspect, always will be, roughly the same and the only thing which will change is what sort of gismos we carry with us or clothes we drape ourselves in or how fast things move.
anyhow. copperfield. but wait! there's more! david with steerforth and steerforth's buddies, markham and grainger make it to the theatre where david bumps into agnes.
"then i was being ushered into one of these boxes, and found myself saying something as i sat down, and people about me crying, 'silence!' to somebody, and ladies casting indignant glances at me, and- what! yes! - agnes, sitting on the seat before me, in the same box, with a lady and gentleman beside her, whom i didn't know. i see her face now, better than i did then, i dare say, with its indelible look of regret and wonder turned upon me.
'agnes!' i said, thickly, 'lordblessmer! agnes!'
'hush! pray!' she answered, i could not conceive why. 'you disturb the company. look at the stage!'
i tired, on her injuncton, to fix it, and to hear something of what was going on there, but quite in vain. i looked at her again by and by, and saw her shrink into her corner, and put her gloved hand to her forehead.
'agnes!' i said. 'i'mafraidyou'renorwell.'
'yes, yes. do not mind me, trotwood,' she returned. 'listen! are you going away soon?'
'amigoarawaysoo?' i repeated.
'yes.'"
let's all write "amigoarawaysoo?" in our interests lists, ok? we can be a club. p.s. trotwood is one of david's, he who bears more names than mithrandir, other names.
"i had a stupid intention of replying that i was going to wait, to hand her downstairs. i suppose i expressed it, somehow; for after she had looked at me attentively for a little while, she appeared to understand, and replied in a low tone:
'i know you will do as i ask you, if i tell you i am very earnest in it. go away now, trotwood, for my sake, and ask your friends to take you home.'
she had so far improved me, for the time, that though i was angry with her, i felt ashamed, and with a short 'goori!' (which i intended for 'good night!') got up and went away. they followed, and i stepped at one out of the box-door into my bedroom, where steerforth was with me, helping me undress, and where i was by turns telling him that agnes was my sister, and adjuring him to bring the corkscrew, that i might open another bottle of wine."
davey, my lad, you've had enough i think!
wooo... so funny. this reminds me of my first roommate back in the day. poor david, steerforth, you are a wicked influence!
does anyone ever wonder about dickens when you read these books? since we're all reading them as obsessively as i currently am. i mean, his boys are always crying over this or that, i should think dickens must have been very sensitive himself... if the adage a little bit of the writer is in everyone of his characters is true, that is.
also: poor david and his somewhat tragic nickname "daisy" (courtesy steerforth). i thought no one could do worse than pip as "handel" with herbert, but i stand corrected. dickens had such great names... it's a wonder the pet ones failed in such a regard.
ah. anyhow. must be to bed. i wanted to type my concerns about my perhaps being a stalker, but my wrists are killing me, so to you worthy readers, who won't sue me for typing up d.c.'s shameful drunk episode, i bid thee "goori!" instead.
suddenly i was @ 02:10 am
wednesday, march 3, 2004
i have to read my script next week... excuse me while i curl up in a fetal position, weep hysterically and DIE.or...
actually.
let me go exercise for the first time in god only knows how long, first.
oh baby yeah, feel the burn. hoo-yah. back and sated with food even. currently i am sucking on a popsicle and watching the biography of bugsy seigel. i'm so confused, i had no idea he was so modern. i think i have him confused with another gangster. bugsy malone? isn't there a malone one? the pictures of old vegas on this show, however, are quite amazing.
anyhow. so this monday was fabulously wonderful.
what i do on mondays when i do not have class:
go to class.
i woke up at 7, shuffled over and crashed the shakespeare class with "othello" read and in hand. why haven't i been taking classes like this my entire life? free learning!
teacher: so what are you doing here exactly?
me: i just want to read "othello."
me: really? awesome! someone who likes literature as much as me, thanks!
yee hoo!
after i crashed the shakespeare class, i then decided to crash the animation II class, since i had a meeting with my teacher to show him my spliced work print. this second class crash was quite the emotional rollercoaster as you may see in the entries below.
i was at first shamed when confidence overwhelmed me in a conversation with the mc to the point i actually mentioned the dreaded new script, the mc was confused which flustered me and oh! i was just so embarassed by the whole display i spent the next hour wringing my hands thinking, "curse you script!"
though the conversation wasn't so terrible, i was given a joke and an anecdote for it, which could be construed as progress in my world.
the joke
me: oh i love that one scene when {insert scene here}.
mc: oh yeah?
me: yes it was-
mc: i cut it.
me: oh.
mc: just kidding.
me: ... ah.
you can't throw me fast balls like that, because i can't catch them!
the anecdote
actually this isn't really worth writing. it was just the first time i have ever heard the mc say anything personal about his existence. oh yes! i even saw the mc's animation. go me!
me: is that your laptop?
mc: yes.
me: is your work on it?
mc: somewhere.
me: may i see it?
and i did.
my shame came about when i mentioned something about my script and how hamlet and batman are in it. the mc's brow furrowed which flustered me considerably and i started tripping up and over my words... it was just a spectacle i tell you.
me: but, blip, burg, dur, zip... $...
after my display i ran away for lunch.
anyhow, later my teacher stole away from me my workprint and projected it to the whole class. horror! my big debut and it's for a bunch of strangers! i was very, very nervous about showing it. partly because i feared my splicing skills and partly because, GAH. i got a nice little round of applause though, from the 10 people present and more notably, approving head nods from the said mc,they were nods at the work itself, later the mc came and told me my work was nice. to which i though, "that's right, i'm a idiot, but dude, i can work!"
then people started asking me questions, which was refreshing, because everyone in my other classes, know the answers to such questions as they asked them themselves over a year ago.
it was good! for a lass who had no class on monday, i was at school from 8.30 am to 4.45 pm.
i need a life.
but still, all in all, very eventful.
you know, whilst we're talking about the mc, i wonder now if i should check the habit, it has come to my attention i don't know... other humans read this journal and now i have this gross paranoia there is some said mc cult out there following my every move.
shifty eyes.
it scares me.
today was well and fine. i was the only female in my screenwriting class, which is amazing since my school is something like 99 percent female.
example: 15 students in an animation class, 3 are male.
it was interesting, but i felt, perhaps, very representative of the hollywood screenwriting population.
i have to bring in my script next week now. i DON'T want to, not only do i detest it, i am made more nervous the more people tell me they enjoyed the first one.
a. the first i thought through for months before writing
b. this new one is the first one's compleat opposite
c. i don't even know, i just don't like this new one at all.
all weekend is to be dedicated to its grooming. pray for me. pray for it. how i wish i could bring in the safe and loving dickensian one once more...
suddenly i was @ 12:35 am
monday, march 1, 2004
i am the biggest clod! there i am engaged in a conversation which is well to do and proper and going well, but i grow over confident and start letting my tongue wag, as it might, on its own accord. suddenly the second party, with whom i am conversing, lets their brow furrow, which causes my thought to trip up and i grow nervous. from then on i stumble and stumble with my words making less and less sense as i talk!gaaaaaaah...
p.s. this be chapter one the millionth of the ever going saga de la mc.
suddenly i was @ 01:21 pm